Gosh...

I really am so thankful for every single comment, every single phone call and every single text message I have received over the past couple of days.  It feels so great to know I have so much support from all of you.  I was overwhelmed by the support from our families and now that I have "come out"(haha) it is plain to see I have amazing friends who love me and will support me through all of this.  A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I truly appreciate every single one of you more than you even know. 

To fulfill my promise I made to many of you to keep you updated on EVERYTHING here is the latest:

I was informed by Steve (aka, Doctor Johnson) that I needed to come in every week for blood work last Friday.  I have not been feeling the greatest the last few days so I decided to go in on Tuesday instead of waiting till later in the week to get my weekly poke.  Unfortunately, yesterday morning his office called... When I saw his name on my phone my stomache sunk.. I have always thought, "No news is good news" so I would prefer not receiving phone calls from his office any more...haha I was actually VERY grateful for this phone call because I was going to call myself to find out how my blood work came back.  Being in a situation like this waiting around can just make a girls brain go crazy! 

Anyways, back to the conversation, the nurse then went on to say, "your blood work came back and the hormones did go down.." YES!!!! and then here is when I go from feeling excited to feeling "Oh crap..." She then went on to say, "BUT, unfortunately they didn't go down enough or as much as we need them to."  I figured this would be the news, only because over 2 weeks after my D & C I have still been having some pregnancy symptoms. The good news is THEY DID GO DOWN.  Bad news is, NOT ENOUGH.  So unfortunately my already bruised veins must undergo more poking tomorrow...Fabulous..

Of course this news is enough to make a girl worry.  Last night we went to my parents house where my husband and father gave me an amazing blessing.  I haven't had a father's blessing since before I married Jayson.  I was overhwhelmed with peace and comfort.  Although this has been such a scary time in my life I am at such peace with everything.  Regardless of good news or bad news I feel at peace and know this is only a temporary trial in my life.  If someone had told me before hand I would be going through something like this I would have thought, "I am going to be a mess! I will be like freaking out, having anxiety and be SO sad." Watching family and friends have miscarriages I always thought, "I would never be able to handle something like that!" But the thing is I feel none of that.  I feel strong, I am happy and anxiety free.  I am prepared for the worst but hoping for the best.  I know this is only but a split second of my life in the grand scheme of things.  I won't lie, I do feel nervous every now and then having to sit around and wonder "are my hormones going down? Are they going up?" etc etc.  But i'm human and sometimes I cry, but everything is going to be okay!  Cross your fingers that tomorrow I receive GOOD news! Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.  We appreciate every single one of them!