Me Besties

It was so fun getting together with all my besties this last weekend.  We really have SO much fun and laugh SO much.  I sincerely love every single one of them to pieces.  I love that we can all still get together, go to dinner and have sleepovers 5 years out of high school and its as if we are all back in high school again.  Of course we are all a little more mature now, but by our conversations throughout the night you would really think we were all a bunch of little high school girls. I LOVE IT!  I couldn't ask for a better group of best friends and it is so fun now that we all have our significant others and can have more people and kiddos to add to our parties. Plus, all my friends are gorgeous...Check em out!

We had a lovely dinner at Olive Garden and almost everyone was able to make it (we missed you Carol and Nicole)

Sam, Allison and Aanni.  We are so happy Allison moved back from California so we can see her more!

Rosie and her cute babes Lincoln who you cannot see in the picture and Sassy Sant

Me, Ang, Marianne and Britt, they are such qt pies

After dinner we all drove up to Mountain Green to Sam's parents home they built (okay probably the most amazing house ever.  It was in the parade of homes and it seriously is SO cute) We spent the remainder of the evening eating doughnuts, chocolate covered cinnamon bears and almonds, oreos and making ourselves sick...(well ok, maybe I was the only one...haha) Some how our conversations always end up talking about poop and other nasty things.  Yeah, we are REALLY cool.  No seriously, we really are. And basically we just sit around and laugh at ourselves and our funny stories.  We ended the night with a sleepover where of course we were up till 3 or 4 in the morning chit chatting and giggling.  Gosh, words can't describe my love for my freshles.  Glad we can all still be so close and get together as often as we do :) Love you all so very very much!



The Latest...

I just recently got off the phone with the doctor's office and I am so happy to inform all of you that my hormones dropped! Oh my goodness gracious this is the greatest news ever.  Since last Wednesday it has felt like the longest week ever having to sit around and wait for the results.  Thank you so much for all of the prayers that have been said in our behalf this past week.  I know without a doubt in my mind that this great news we received today is because of the many thoughts and prayers from all of you.  I don't have to go in for more blood work till next Monday so I have a nice little break :) Steve said once my hormones hit a count of 3 I can go in every other week.  Let's hope that comes sooner than later! I'm at a 48 which is AMAZING! 45 to go, which seems like a piece of cake, considering I was once at 50,000 haha.  I have already felt so much better and noticed my energy has come back more. Looks like I can breathe easy for the next while thank heavens. Once again, I appreciate everyones support so much and its looking more like CANCER FREE IS HOW I WILL CONTINUE TO BE!  Love you all

Gosh...

I really am so thankful for every single comment, every single phone call and every single text message I have received over the past couple of days.  It feels so great to know I have so much support from all of you.  I was overwhelmed by the support from our families and now that I have "come out"(haha) it is plain to see I have amazing friends who love me and will support me through all of this.  A huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I truly appreciate every single one of you more than you even know. 

To fulfill my promise I made to many of you to keep you updated on EVERYTHING here is the latest:

I was informed by Steve (aka, Doctor Johnson) that I needed to come in every week for blood work last Friday.  I have not been feeling the greatest the last few days so I decided to go in on Tuesday instead of waiting till later in the week to get my weekly poke.  Unfortunately, yesterday morning his office called... When I saw his name on my phone my stomache sunk.. I have always thought, "No news is good news" so I would prefer not receiving phone calls from his office any more...haha I was actually VERY grateful for this phone call because I was going to call myself to find out how my blood work came back.  Being in a situation like this waiting around can just make a girls brain go crazy! 

Anyways, back to the conversation, the nurse then went on to say, "your blood work came back and the hormones did go down.." YES!!!! and then here is when I go from feeling excited to feeling "Oh crap..." She then went on to say, "BUT, unfortunately they didn't go down enough or as much as we need them to."  I figured this would be the news, only because over 2 weeks after my D & C I have still been having some pregnancy symptoms. The good news is THEY DID GO DOWN.  Bad news is, NOT ENOUGH.  So unfortunately my already bruised veins must undergo more poking tomorrow...Fabulous..

Of course this news is enough to make a girl worry.  Last night we went to my parents house where my husband and father gave me an amazing blessing.  I haven't had a father's blessing since before I married Jayson.  I was overhwhelmed with peace and comfort.  Although this has been such a scary time in my life I am at such peace with everything.  Regardless of good news or bad news I feel at peace and know this is only a temporary trial in my life.  If someone had told me before hand I would be going through something like this I would have thought, "I am going to be a mess! I will be like freaking out, having anxiety and be SO sad." Watching family and friends have miscarriages I always thought, "I would never be able to handle something like that!" But the thing is I feel none of that.  I feel strong, I am happy and anxiety free.  I am prepared for the worst but hoping for the best.  I know this is only but a split second of my life in the grand scheme of things.  I won't lie, I do feel nervous every now and then having to sit around and wonder "are my hormones going down? Are they going up?" etc etc.  But i'm human and sometimes I cry, but everything is going to be okay!  Cross your fingers that tomorrow I receive GOOD news! Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.  We appreciate every single one of them!

Cancer free is the way to be!

Well this post is a long post I have been dreading to do.  BUT, the last few weeks have been probably the hardest weeks of my life up to this point.  By hard I mean emotional beyond belief for me.  Talk about a rollercoaster! For this reason, this is too much of a big deal in my life to not document it on my blog.  I am not blogging about this because I want people to feel bad for me in any way shape or form.  I am blogging about this because it has kind of been a big deal in our family and only our closest family and a couple of Jayson's friends even know...Not even my close group of girlfriends know anything about this.  For this reason, I MUST POST! haha I will start from the beginning..

February 15th, the morning after I got home from beautiful sunny St. Thomas, I woke up once Jayson left for work to this wonderful surprise Jayson and I had been anticipating for months!

YES, PREGNANT! I was extatic beyond belief!  We started trying in January and I was so happy to see we were able to get pregnant again so quickly.  I coulnd't wait to tell Jayson! BUT I did wait if you can believe it or not.  I had been planning for weeks to take him out for Valentines Day that night so I figured I would wait and surprise him before our date :)  I made this sign:

And I made some way yummy cinnamon rolls so when he came home from work he would come home to this:

I will never forget the look on his face when he walked into the kitchen... He was SOOOO excited! We had been planning since Paislee's 1st birthday to start trying after our trip to Disney World, which the first month I took like 4 negative pregnancy tests and was so so sad.  But, little did I know while I was on the sunny beaches of St. Thomas I had a little bun cookin in my oven! We couldn't believe we would be having another baby! It made for an even better Valentines Dinner at Mandarin where we could spend the night talking about our new baby to be and all the things we were excited for.

We had decided we wanted to wait to tell our families after our first Doctors appointment which wasn't till March 4th.  Man those few weeks seemed like FOREVER! A week in a half before my appointment Jayson was a nice husband and let me spill the beans to my Mom early so I had someone I could get all my giddyness out to.  I was DYING holding in this secret from my Mom.  I was avoiding her like crazy (which we usually talk at least 1 or 2 times a day and see each other a few times a week) It was nice to finally have someone else to talk to about my excitment.

Rewind back to the day I took my pregnancy test.  I was so incredibly excited when I saw the test come out positive, but I had this weird gut feeling something just wasn't right.... I never voiced this to Jayson or my Mother because I thought maybe I was just being paranoid or a worry wart since I can tend to be this way..  As the weeks went on and I became sicker and sicker and more tired and weak I kept telling myself "OBVIOUSLY YOUR PREGNANT! Stop being retarded" But deep down I had so much anxiety because I felt like something was wrong.  I was feeling all the same pregnancy things I did with Paislee times 10! I was having round ligament pain like crazy (which I didn't get till I was in my week of 20's with Paislee) and my pants weren't fitting well at all.  My night stand looked like this:

Hunger pains are the worst when you are pregnant.  Especially in the middle of the night when you are too tired to get up and eat, so I had a nice supply next to me all night long!  Okay okay, EVERYTHING and ANYTHING showed signs that I had a baby cookin so why couldn't I just relax and go with the flow?  I strongly believe it was my motherly intuition along with the holy ghost prompting me there just was something not right.

Friday, the 4th arrives and I am nervous beyond belief for my appointment.  Jayson and I went while my Mom watched Paislee.  I was sick to my stomache the entire time..They did all my vitals and took the urine pregnancy teset and everything looked fabulous! We went in for our ultrasound, me being 6 weeks 1 day pregnant I knew it might be too early to see the heart beat.  During the ultrasound I was just waiting for the bad news, since I already knew it was coming in my little worry brain.... Then my Dr. says, "you are indeed pregnant!" Relief...... Then he does the measurments and the baby was measureding 5 weeks 4 days, which he reassured me that everyone ovulates at different times in their cycle so it won't be exact, but that I can come back in 2 weeks so we can see the heart beat.  Panic sets in.... We leave and I am a mess.  Jayson is so confused because he didn't feel an ounce of worry from the appointment.  Me on the other hand, freaking out.... I came home to my mom in tears.  She was completely confused why I would be having such anxiety over this.. But in my mommy heart this was just 1 step closer to confirming my motherly intuition.

After my husband and mother calming me down and reassuring me that I am feeling so much anxiety about this because of all the hormones (which my hormones were off the charts at this point) I felt positive that I was just being retarded and needed to just calm down.  The weekend went on and I felt worse than I ever had before.  I thought, once again, "there is no way there isn't a baby growing inside of me, the baby has to be fine because I am feeling so sick, I wouldn't be feeling so sick if the baby wasn't alive..." SO, I felt okay to go ahead and tell my family on Sunday at our family dinner.  It was SUCH an exciting night.  We skyped with Hillary in St. Thomas and that is where we shared our exciting news with the entire family.  I had finally calmed down and just came to the conclusion my thoughts were just from pregnancy hormones...

First thing the following morning I received a phone call from my doctor that I needed to come in for more blood work.  He had said some of my hormone tests came back off so they wanted to re-check them.  At this point I just burst into tears because I KNEW IT. Something WAS wrong.  I got Pais ready and we were out the door to see my doctor.  I was so confused.  I was thinking maybe the results showed too low of hormones or something to sustain a pregnancy since I had heard that can happen, but I had been feeling so sick and hormonal so I was confused.  We went in, mind you I had to rush to the bathroom and strip down because I was sweating and having hot flashes and I thought I might pass out.  Luckily, although the waiting room was full, the second I got there they took me back.  My doctor came in and the first thing he said was, "Your hormone tests came back way high" I KNEW IT! My hormones WERE high. He went on to say, "they are so high that we should have been able to see a heart beat on Friday so I want to do another ultrasound and blood work."  During that ultrasound I knew it wasn't going to be positive.  I felt comforted the entire time because I always knew this was coming since day one.

But, I wasn't expecting this news to be quite as bad as it was....

He then went on to tell me it looked like I had a molar pregnancy.  This is where the egg is fertilized by 2 sperm instead of 1 and causes chromsomal abnormalities which hinders the baby from growing.  In a molar pregnancy the cells of the placenta grow at an abnormally large rate (which would explain why I was having round ligament pain so early on) and that it produces very high amounts of hormones.  My blood test that friday were that of an 8 week pregnancy and over the weekend had shot up to that of a 12 week pregnancy (which would explain why I was so sick and off the charts hormonal).  The bad news was that these "Moles" can be cancerous and are very dangerous to the mother.  OH GREAT.  Luckily he let me come back after his day was over with Jayson for him to explain all of this to us, it was nice to have my husband there to support me and cry with me)So, he fit me in the following day to have the D & C surgical procedure done along with a biopsy. 

The remainder of that day and before my surgery on Tuesday was really hard.  I was VERY pregnancy sick and it made it hard knowing I wasn't infact really "pregnant".  My mom took Paislee all day and all night so Jayson and I could spend some time and get some good sleep.  I've never seen Jayson cry like he did in our entire marriage, which made me feel better for being such an emotional mess. 

The D & C procedure went amazing and I woke up from anesthesia feeling for the most part great.  Recovery went really well and it was nice to not feel quite as pregnant. We had so much support from our families the following days to come which we are so grateful for. 

As sad as the whole experience was, I felt such relief.  I knew something was wrong and I am just so grateful we were able to catch it so quickly.  We were recently told at our last appointment that everything came back normal with the biopsy, but that I was going to need to be monitored for 9 months.  With a molar pregnancy if even 1 cell survived the D & C it will multiply and spread cancer to anywhere in my body.  For this reason I have to have blood work done every week to make sure my hcg levels are lowering till they get to 0.  Once they hit 0 I can start getting blood work every other week and so on till it turns to every other month.  For this reason, we CANNOT get pregnant during this time because they will not be able to tell the difference between the pregnancy hcg hormones or the "mole" hcg hormones. 

By doing this if my levels stay the same or raise they will be able to catch it fast enough so I can start chemotherapy/radiation to kill the cancer before it hopefully spreads.  Thinking about this scares me to death, but I know if that happens, there is a reason.  Just like there is a reason we weren't suppose to have a baby at this time.  It is hard being so excited to have another baby and to get pregnant and have that to look forward to and then find out you miscarried and cannot even try for another 9 months.  BUT, I feel at such peace with everything and I know we will have a baby when we are suppose to.  At least I can STILL have a baby.  I am so grateful for my health and I know everything will work out how it should and that Paislee will be a big sissy when the timing is right. 

Jayson and I feel very good about waiting to have another baby.  Obviously our next son or daughter is not ready to come to earth.  And when he or she is, it will be perfect.  Heavenly Father knows whats best for us and he literally leads us and guides us in everything in our lives if we just let him.  Sometimes we think we know whats best, but he knows far more than we do.  I am thankful we were able to get pregnant so quickly and that all of this was able to happen now instead of us waiting longer to start our family and having it happen then. I am so grateful for an amazing doctor Steve Johnson (my uncle btw, "eeeww sick" is what probably lots of you are thinking, but he is the best doctor around and he delivered me, all my cousins and cousins babies.  He is like "the family" doctor)  He truly has taken such good care of me and I know with his help we can beat this!

I am so happy and I look forward to my future and my families future.  As poopy as this has been it makes me so grateful for a healthy family and to have my Paiser Ann.  I know there are so many woman out there who can't even get pregnant or who have gone through numerous miscarriages without being able to get pregnant.  My heart goes out to all of them.  This whole experience has been so humbling to me and I am thankful for this trial in my life.  As of now I am cancer free which is a huge blessing! BUT IF NOT, its all good in da hood cause I'm a fighter baby!

Da Monkey bum

Believe it or not my child is 18 months!  Okay, she will be 19 months in a few days but I forgot to do an 18 month post.  So, here it goes!

Stats: Height: 32.5 " (77%)
         Weight 26.1   (75%)
         Head   19.1"  (93%)

Good news! Paislee's head didn't grow! haha she is now growing into her noggin. We can thank the good ol Adam side of the family for the big brains.

Paislee is all over the place these days.  She seriously acts like she is so busy and has so much to get done whenever she does something.  I can't believe how well she is talking.  She now likes to copy everything that we say and is putting words together.  Some of my favorites consist of "hurry mom" "where daddy go?" "I Paislee" "Te Amo (I love you)" "Thank you" and then whenever she wants something she will usually say "PEEEEZ" after the word. She cracks me up so much.

Her favorite place in the house, THE KITCHEN, where she constantly goes to the pantry and grabs a box of crackers or a snack and then continues to carry it around the house with her (sometimes dumping the whole box out while she's at it) This particular day I came into the kitchen and found her like this...

She loves to ride in the car where she always requires Elmo, Minnie and her baby to be sitting on her lap and her "Quack Quack" cd playing.  I can't remember the last time Jayson and I listened to the radio driving somewhere, now instead of singing and dancing to apple bottom jeans we are belting out head and shoulders, this old man, apples and bananas (jaysons favorite) etc..

Recently she's been climbing on everything. It really is quite dangerous. We've gotta keep a close eye on her because more than once we have gone looking for her and found her like this:

Just yesterday I walked into the kitchen to a grunting child...stuck like this:

It really was a panicy moment for me.  It took me what felt like forever to get her out.  Instead of moving another chair and going underneath the table to pull her out my panicy brain just told me to pull her chair out to try and get her....well that didn't work OBVIOUSLY because she was freaking out and trying to stand up and anyways I finally got her out with only a few minor scratches on her back and face..

Paislee is starting to like doing big girl things like dress herself, put her own shoes on and oh, COLOR ON THE WALLS!  We have quite the colorful wall in our room.  We try to watch her close when she gets the crayons but some how she always ends up getting away with it.  We now have a time out spot in our first bedroom where she has to go when she colors on walls or furniture.  For some reason she still can't quite get it yet....haha

Paislee is really one of the most sincere, calm, loving and caring child I know.  When she gets caught doing something or touching something in the house she knows she isn't suppose to touch she immediatly bursts into tears, runs up to me, hugs me and pats my back.  It makes me feel bad because when I was a child I felt guilty so easily and I already see it so much in Pais.  She really is so sweet. But let's be honest, she is a toddler and isn't always perfect.  She has fits and gets mad when she doesn't get her way sometimes.

She just recently got a "big girl hair cut".  She's had many hair cuts before but this time she actually got it cut in a cute style.  She looks so much more grown up now!

I love this little girls personality so much.  She is CONSTANTLY dancing.  All day she brings up our phones to Jayson and I and asks to dance.  Any time she hears any sort of a beat anywhere we go she stops and starts to dance.  This girl has some moves.  I will have to post a video on here of her classic "whip my hair" "dynamite" and "teach me how to dougie" dances. 

(giving herself kisses in the mirror)

Well I could go on and on about chubby guts because she is learning new things so quickly.  I wish time would slow down because I know she will be a teenager before I know it!  Let's just say 18 months is the best age and I can't wait for the months and years ahead we have with this chica.

Dang you March...

March has not been a very great month for the Adam Family... From husband separating his shoulder snowboarding and becoming quite handicap there for a week or so (still is quite handicap might I add) to a sick mama with all sorts of fun issues and now a sick Paiser Ann.  Medical bills around this house hold have hit their all time high..And whats funny is it all happened within 1 stinkin week of each other! Life is kind of funny that way.. Well the good news is I HAVE a husband (healthy and handsome might I add) I am alive and Paislee is still a cute stink.  Sometimes crappy things happen in life, but it all happens for a reason.  I strongly believe that! I am grateful regardless of the poopy things that come along in life that we have to deal with that I have my family...That really is ALL that matters to me.  Thanks to all my sweet family members who have helped push us through the last little while in the Adam household.  My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude for the support and love our families show us every single day.  When life gets rough I always think back to one of my favorite talks,  

"Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. . . . He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. . . . We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, . . . we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has"

You Can read this talk HERE

Poop might happen in our lives, but it is ALL about our ATTITUDE on whether or not we will let it bring us down or build us up to become the person we are meant to be.  CHEERS to a better half of March!!

I am the luckiest

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAYSON!!!!

Today is a very special day. The hubs birthday! I just wanted to take some time to sit down and write about my wonderful man and the reasons I love him so much.

My husband is such a good husband.  I joke quite often on how Jayson is a WAAAAY better husband than he was boyfriend.  Not saying he was a horrible boyfriend or anything.... I loved him and everything about him when we were dating, I mean ovbiously that's why I married him! BUT he has exceeded my expectations way far and beyond what I ever expected to find in a husband.



 Jayson was never a really romantic man.  He was your typical "boy".  A manly man! Which is what made me fall in love with him in the first place.  I would get frustrated sometimes when we were dating because sometimes I would feel like he didn't care.  But, this was always a miscommunication.  He was just a boy.. And I was just a girl (emotional girl might I add)  Regardless of the times he was being a "dumb boy" I knew he was the one for me and that I wanted to marry him.  That only took about 2 dates for me to figure that one out. Regardless of him being such a boy I never doubted that I knew he was meant to be my husband.

                           
Back in the day, when I was a dating girl, dating tons of different boys I thought I needed someone who was off the charts romantic, aka bring me flowers all of the time, setting up amazing dates, oooing and awwwing over how wonderful he thought I was and doing all those things ALL of the time.  Jayson never did those things a ton when we were dating, he would bring me flowers on special occasions and plan way fun dates, just not the candle lit, rose pedals everywhere kinda dates....haha and he was hard to get.. For one of the first times in my dating experiences I felt like I needed to go above and beyond to try and get this boy to be mine. Now that we are married and he is all mine I know that Heavenly Father knew more about what I needed in a future husband than I did... Funny how that happens huh?
                                
 Jayson may not be Romeo and Juliet romantic, but his kind of romantic is SOO much more than that.  It is a kind of romance I never knew even existed until I married him.  His romance is shown every single day by his actions.  His WHOLE life revolves around me and Paislee.  Literally... Everything he does is for us.  He really is the most self-less person I have ever met.  It is always "what can I do for you" "how can I help" etc.. He never thinks about himself and what he wants.  Although I am the stay at home mom who should be doing all the house work, cooking, cleaning, laundry and what not he does all those things for me all of the time with a smile on his face because he loves me. He often times wakes up early with Paislee to let me sleep an extra hour or two when HE is the one going to work all day. 

I grew up in a household where Mommy did the cooking and cleaning and Daddy worked a 9-5 job and brought home the bacon.  Not saying that is bad, it is just how I expected life to be once I was a married woman.  I am spoiled beyond belief! It is more apparent to me now than ever before that I truly married the best person in the world for me.  I am so blessed that my husband has a job(s) that allows him to spend so much time with his family.  I get 2-3 months every year where he is home.  He sells real estate during that time, but he is home.  That's what makes Thanksgiving and the Christmas season so amazing.  He gets to be with his little family.  I am so grateful for a job (I am talking about his asphalt business) that allows him to have that time with us.  Although once tax season hits he becomes very busy again, he is able to make his own schedule so he never misses a thing. And although he may sometimes work long hours he never expects to come home and not help.  He never stops serving his family. I truly feel so blessed to have married a man who puts me and his family absolutely first in every aspect of his life. 
Jayson I am so grateful for you in my life and I am so happy I get to spend eternity with you! I love you more and more every day! Thanks for all that you do. Hope you have the bestest birthday ever!

ps. pictures on how we celebrated the big 26 to come